Confession 10.6

I went back on the message board I used to frequent. Didn't post, just looked.

Yeah, same old crap, same old insanity. Parts of me wanted to post, but I didn't. My pride means more to me than that. Yeah, I could make a "ghost" and post, but I would know it was me, and I would just hate myself for giving in and going back to that pathetic lifestyle.

You people are pathetic, you know. Yeah, you guys on Survivor Sucks. Even those of you I was friendly with. Pathetic people who are addicted to the message board, who refuse to go out and have real lives. Some of you have children! I know you feel guilty about the time you spend on the computer and not with them - I did, too! Most of you are depressed and miserable, and prefer the fake world of your splinter boards to real life. You dress it up and say it's okay because sometimes you all meet up, but you're still wasting your life away on a faceless message board instead of going out and living LIFE.

I could say all this there, and probably have before, but I would just get bombarded with "Well then why are you here?" comments, and they would be exactly right. LOL I remember reading how one girl, when looking at pictures of people that posted with her, announced that they were all too good looking to be posting on a message board. Like message boards were just for ugly people.

No, just people who have something ugly inside.

Confession 10.4

My mother in law saw me naked.

Yeah, there I was, all sexy sitting in a chair in the tub, my bum knee propped up on the toliet, giving my stinky self a sponge bath and a MUCH needed hair washing (thank God I didn't live in the times before regular showers. My hair looked like Aragorn from LOTR. Not an attractive look for a woman.) Trust me - asing your MIL to help you put on your panties isn't one of those moments to look upon fondly. I know she's got the same parts as me, but damn!

Well, at least I hadn't shaved my "area" in a while. I think that she probably wouldn't appreciate knowing her son likes it bare down there. LOL *wink*

Actually, the majority of the time she was with me (and God bless her for coming - she fed the kids, cleaned, helped me get around, took me to the orthopod) I was worrying that she thought I was just a complete slob. The kids' bathroom was dirty - okay, I'll say it. Parts of it were gross. They clean their own bathroom, and they hadn't done it in a couple of weeks. It was nasty. Not black ring on the tub and piss everywhere nasty, but still - I was embarrassed. She cleaned the kitchen floor (what was she thinking?) she vacummed the study (what was she thinking) she made dinner (what was she thinking when she went into the pantry and saw the liter box?) ARGGHHH!!! I was driving myself insane, honestly. LOL It was stressful.

I do that. Terrible! I can't relax and just enjoy having people who care about me take care of me. I'm always wondering what they are thinking, wishing that I could be better.... Hopefully this will help me get over this. Because the help isn't over yet. I'm going to have to get a ride to and from work everyday for two weeks because I have to keep my long leg straight - no way will I fit in my front seat to drive. I can't do much without help. This sucks!! LOL

Confession 10.2

I broke my freakin' knee cap.

No, not a joke. I was walking along, minding my own business, holding my daughter whilst coming out of GattiLand, and WHOOSH! I was flying towards the ground. Trying to not drop my daughter, I held on to her the best I could (she still knocked her little noggin on the pavement), I took all my weight and hers to my left knee. OUCH. To say the least.

I'm writhing around in pain on the ground, people are stopping to ask if the lady is okay, we get to the hospital - yeah - broken in two places. Nice. I made them cut my jeans. My nicest pair, too, but damned if they were going to make me move my leg. I wouldn't have cared if they were a $200 pair of Versace, cut those bitches off!!!

That was Sunday night. Luckily I don't have to have surgery - as long as I keep my leg completely straight for three weeks, and then in other imobilizers for an additional five weeks, I should recover from this without any insightly scars or, hopefully, no calls of a "bum knee still giving me pain" years down the road.

I can't freakin' believe I did this. I slipped in the same damn pair of shoes last week at work. But it was in the morning and there was still dew on the ground. I thought it was just a fluke. Nope. It was the fucking shoes. LOL They have since gone in the trash, along with their sister pair in blue.

It was an opportunity to buy some more shoes from my fav website, though - Zappos.com. I found a couple of really cute mules in suede grey and dark brown croc that have rubber soles. LOL Hey - I needed something to go with the yoga pants that will be the staple of my work wardrobe until I get this thing off my leg!

When I called work to let them know what happened, I was glad to hear that people were horrified, but I was sad to find out that a lady at work's husband was killed in a car accident that weekend as well. Kind of put my little accident in perspective. We both go back to work on Tuesday.

Confession 10.0

I haven't bitten my nails in almost a month. Look Ma! I have girl hands!!!

Actually, this is quite an accomplishment - I haven't gone this long without biting my nails since the late 80's, and I remember well when I finally gave in and buzzed through my entire set of nails in like five minutes. It was heaven. LOL

But this time I am determined. No more man hands. I can actually scratch things. I look feminine and pretty and I LIKE it! It's not that I don't stick them in my mouth everyday and play at the edges with my teeth, because I do. But this time I think I will actually be sucessfull. I feel like a grownup! LOL

It's been a while since I have blogged. Been busy as hell. I will probably break this up into numerous confessions because it's been so long. But right now we will stick with the no nail biting, and what this means to the title of my blog. Now are they both lies? LOL Neither 40 or a nail biter - I think I'll have to be realistic here and give myself more than a few weeks before I call myself "bite free". After all, I have been doing it for as long as I remember. Three weeks does not a non biter make.

I feel bad because all my kids bite their nails. Even my three year old is caught now and then biting at her nails, though she doesn't know how to do it. I clip her nails. The other ones, tho -t0 the nubs. To my credit, I didn't bite to the nub. I kept the tiniest bit of white. And I was good at it, too - they were nice looking and not raggedy.

I had a friend ask me the other day why I bite my nails. Is it a nervous habit? You know, I don't know. I do know that I would bite them while watching movies. Like when I saw Flightplan last month - buzzed through every last one of them. But I would just bite them when they got too long for my taste - nothing necessarily going on - it was definately a habit, but I don't know if it came from nervousness.

I would play with the nails in my mouth if they were especially "long". I know there are a few of you out there probably gagging right now, but yeah - I would play with them, roll them around lovingly on my tongue... while I was biting them, I would go into almost like a trance, a very calm state where my mind would clear for just a little bit while I bit away at my nails. Weird. LOL

But no more! I have pretty girl hands now - I'm keeping them. I can actually go in for a manicure and not a set of fakes. Yay!