Confession 12.0

My husband is going on a business trip to Ireland and I am FUCKING INSANELY JEALOUS. I am not even exaggerating in the littlest bit.

Right now he's in San Francisco on business. Will be there a week. Now I find out he's going to Ireland next month. Ireland!!! Only one of the places in the whole world that I want to go visit more than anything! Wow, must really be rough, hanging out in San Francisco, eating at fabulous restaurants, having your lunch brought to you daily, having wonderful lively conversation with like minded adults without having to go home and worry about dinner, worry about cleaning. And now - Ireland!!!!!

Have I mentioned that he's travelled the Carribean many times? Oh yes, he's been all over the place where there is white sandy beaches and gorgeous blue water. Hawaii? Yep. And where the FUCK have I been?

ARGGGHHH!!!! I know I shouldn't be jealous, I know I should be happy for him - I know I'm being a big fucking baby but SO WHAT!!!!!!!!! I am so jealous right now I feel like crying! IRELAND!!!!! He might as well have found out that he just won 500, 000 dollars and is legally forbidden to share it with anyone! THAT's how strongly I feel about this, how jealous I am!

We were supposed to go to the Bahamas to get married. That didn't happen. For family vacations we go to Alabama. Our one planned beach trip with just me and him (and Emma - the only child we couldn't have stay with a grandparent) got cancelled last year because of hurricane season! Fucking Hurricane Dennis! Sure, it was Gulfport, Mississippi, but it was MY VACATION!!!!!!! MINE!!!!!! I HAVEN'T HAD A FUCKING VACATION SINCE I'VE HAD CHILDREN!!!!!!! And even when I did "vacation", I was 20 years old, didn't know shit. I went to Vegas at age 18. I couldn't even gamble, people. I haven't done DICK.

I am seriously holding back tears here. I am a total piece of shit for not being happy that my husband is going to Ireland. And right now I don't give a shit.

Where is my Wellbutrin? LOL I think I'm gonna need it.