Confessions about breast reduction

My MIL has made it clear she thinks me getting this done is for cosmetic purposes. I'll admit that some of it is. I want to be able to wear cute shirts and (1) be able to button them and (2) not look like a whore. But I'm also hoping that the back, neck and shoulder pain will be a thing of the past. That maybe the slow hunching of my back will cease, and just maybe one day I can stand up straight. That there will be no more headaches and neckaches when I wake up in the morning.

I'm scared of having the surgery. This will be my first surgery and basically I am getting my breasts amputated and reconstructed. I'm going to have scars on my breasts for the rest of my life. I'm scared I'm making the wrong decision and it won't be worth it.

I've read a lot of people's stories about their breasts and their BR experiences, and I have to confess that I don't hate my breasts. I confess that I use them for attention, but only in the places where such things are appropriate. LOL I like it that people think my breasts are nice. I don't like the big National Geographic nipples that come along with having breasts as large as mine, and yeah, they sag, but not terribly so. They're in pretty good shape. But I don't want to be Quasimoto in 20 years, with breasts down to my waist and permanent nerve damage from the weight of them. I want to be able to sleep with a regular pillow, to sleep on my side without going numb or rolling over my breasts. Will I have another neck ache again? What if I do after the surgery? Then what? Well, I guess I'll have nice perky breasts again from the outside, and look damn fine. Naked - well, hopefully I won't scar badly. LOL I have other scars, and they are not noticeable, so I think I'll be okay. We'll see. I'll keep you informed.

Confessions about my children

My oldest is still my easiest child. I guess that's good? LOL

My middle son still requires my patience, understanding, and patience. Did I say patience? LOL He is the most stubborn child I know.

My oldest daughter - well, she's my first daughter, and she's going through puberty and she's a Picses. (sp?) I am not sure what I'm doing. LOL I really do need to get a book.

And my youngest daughter (and baby). I bought a book already, and I couldn't keep up with the chores it gave me to do. She is stubborn in a completely different way than my son. She is so very different from the oldest three. I feel like I've done something wrong. LOL

I love all my children, and I feel blessed to have four great kids, though also WTF sometimes - "Four kids!?!?!" I want to take them on a cruise with us in the future, but we can't afford that! I feel bad because Justin's two best friends went on a cruise this summer with their family (they did it together) and I wish I could give Justin that experience, too. I feel like having this many kids makes them miss out on stuff because they don't have rich parents. LOL But I hope that the big family makes up for it as they are adults. I know now they fight, but I hope that we have happy get togethers with laughter about the things they used to do as kids frequently as children. I picture my dad's side of the family, and how loud and fun it is when we all got together. That is what I want for me and mine, minus the Larry the Cable Guy feel. LOL

Confessions about my husband

I really did well. Better than I thought I would. It has been seven years now, and I am in love with him more than I was when we first met. We still hold hands, still hug almost every night when he walks in the door, still have sex around twice a week - still really turn each other on and the sex is fabulous! I really can't believe it. He's been great with the kids.

It wasn't always so great with the kids, but the hangup with with me. I kept on thinking the kids were going to hate him, but after having a family meeting about it I found out the kids never even dreamed of hating him. They completely didn't understand how they could, or where I was coming from. Which was GREAT for me, since that makes it even more obvious that my master plan is working. The master plan, of course, is that my kids have a life 180 degrees opposite of mine as a child. So yay! Once I was able to let go of my fear that they secretly hated him every time he said something to him, I was able to stop getting mad at him every time he said something to them, and causing huge fights, and life has been great.

He's not perfect, trust me. LOL But he's pretty close, and he puts up with my crazy ass, so the man is gold. I love him, simply. You really can't ask for more than that. Love, lust and laughter after seven years. What itch!??!!

Confessions about Harry Potter

I didn't get the whole Harry Potter reading by adults thing until this Spring. I really enjoyed the Goblet of Fire movie and decided that I was going to read the books. The kids had a dog-eared paperback of the first one, and I read it in a couple of hours. Justin's friend had the whole set (this was pre-Deathly Hallows) and I borrowed them. Spent the next few days rapturously reading my fill. Luckily my timing was good. I only had to wait a couple of months (or so) for the final book to come out.

I was one of the nerds who went to a midnight showing of The Order of the Phoenix and I am not ashamed! And I ordered my Deathly Hallows on Amazon. Read it in around 12 hours. Unfortunately I was expecting UPS to deliver and waited and waited. When 7 pm rolled around and no book, I decided to go ahead and check the mailbox just in case, and sure enough, my book was there! Hours of reading wasted!!!!! But I was very pleased with the book and it ended like I thought it would. I cried when I thought Harry died. It was a very good book, though the vixen in me wished there had been more bow-chica-wow-wow between Harry and Ginny. But it is a children's series, after all. LOL

Confession about work

I would leave my job if I didn't make enough money. I would love to be able to do a job where I didn't hear or see about the worst of society every day. But as usual, not wanting to go into Austin for a job is holding me back. It's worth it (I think). LOL I have stopped taking Wellbutrin, so we'll see. I actually had a day where I went to the boss and told her I needed to get the hell out of my section. I was going to take something else in the office until she told me that it would be a significant salary reduction. I sucked it up and stayed.

There was one woman whose story was just so .... how do I say it? I was sucked into her world. I found myself googling her abuser's name to try and find out information about him, to help her out. I felt like the entire world had let her down, that her life was so miserable - classic example of me not being able to let it go. She would call me and talk almost thirty minutes. I felt like I was the only one in the office that cared about her. ARGH! I was seriously driving myself insane. I had to make a concerted efford to do a massive step back, and it worked. I felt guilty, and I still wonder about her from time to time, but GOD I can't worry about other people when I have four kids of my own and family issues myself! I've got a sister who has enough drama for 12 people, thank you very much!!!!

I recently started to do it again , with the trial we have going on with the sexual assault of a teenage boy with his MILF neighbor. Watching that poor kid get grilled on the stand just ate me alive. My weekend was filled with thoughts about him, empathy for him that had no outlet. What was I going to do? "Hey, dude - I saw you on the stand. Hang in there.". ?!?!?! Like he wants to be reminded that strangers were watching him tell about him losing his virginity to a black widow spider? I think not. So I had to tell my attorney I couldnt' go back in there. And I didn't, until the woman herself took the stand. I had no problems watching her crazy ass. Now let's just hope that justice is served.

So....

I haven't blogged in a while obviously. LOL

John is fine. The epindymoma was removed, the surgery was hell on him, post-op was hell until he has the bulging disc surgery two weeks later. Had (has) nerve damage, but it's better than a tumor inside his spinal column. It was a year ago last month! Hard to believe.

The new news now around our household is our cruise. John and I are going on a cruise! I am excited beyond belief, and am obsessed with it, no lie! Every day I look at stuff having to do with cruising.

Tomorrow also marks the 8th week since I went to a plastic surgeon about getting a breast reduction. They said it would be 6 - 8 weeks before we would here anything from United. I scoffed, but they were right. I even called United myself. Of course, it did take the doctor's office almost a month to send the paperwork off, which did NOT please me. LOL But because of the cruise, I can't get it done soon anyway. I don't mind waiting till around the holidays, though being in severe pain two Christmas' in a row is not my idea of fun, I am impatient to get it done. I plan on blogging a lot more when that comes.

School starts two weeks later than normal this year. Justin will be a JUNIOR (gasp!) and my baby is starting Kindergarten - I feel like I am about to step onto another threshhold of my life.

I still don't feel old. LOL