Confession 3.5

I kind of like it when my husband goes away on business.

It doesn't mean I don't love him, or that I can have trysts with a secret lover. It actually means that I am not on high alert like I normally am. I can relax, enjoy some peace of mind... Not wonder if the kids are making him mad, or if the kids are mad at him; not get pissed at him for getting pissed at the kids for making too much noise... Just those little mundane things that make stepfamilies so exciting. LOL

Actually, before I finally gave in and joined the Prozac Nation, I dreaded him leaving on business. Hated it. Counted down the days till he came home. I'm sure I made him feel guilty. But I was a miserable person anyway, and needed him here to keep me up. He's so good at that.

But now that I am out of that black hole of depression, and getting back to my normal self, I find that I am enjoying the times when it is just me and the kids. Of course, that is a whole 'nother Oprah show. Coming from the series of crappy stepfamilies that I did, I find myself being hypersensitive to how my kids feel about my husband. I'm sure I make a mountain out of a molehill 98% of the time. And he is always wonderful, wonderful about hearing me out and trying to relieve my mind by "fixing it", even though it might not necessarily need to be fixed. But still, him being gone gives me a little break from all my worries and hypervigilence. And there is absolutely no chance of us arguing about one of the kids and their chores. LOL

Besides the break from my insanity, there is also the fabulous sound of just four children running amouk. NO TV. Praise Jesus! I watch two, maybe three TV shows aweek max. I only have to watch one. Having the TV on constantly really does drive me batty. And John loves the TV. It hasn't been on all night and it's fabulous. Now there is nothing to compete with the sounds of the kids fighting and laughing and screaming and jumping on the floor. Bliss.... LOL

BUT - I'll admit that the whole "absence makes the heart grow fonder" really is true. A couple of weekends ago it was me that was gone, and when I saw him again my heart just soared, the love overflowed. And even more, I jumped his bones like a madwoman for days afterwards. LOL

So before I crush my husband completely, I promise crazy monkey love when he gets back, and continued discussion with my therapist about relaxing and not worrying so much. LOL Unfortunately I can't give on the TV. You know what they say about picking your battles... *wink*